Never Said It
by selemi
Summary: My idea of what could happen after TSFT... Book compliant. Told from Kartik's point of view. A few words that Kartik never told his dear Gemma.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Gemma Doyle Trilogy.**

A/N: My very first Gemma Doyle Trilogy fanfic! This takes place after The Sweet Far Thing.

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Pain. That's all I could feel. That's all I could think. _Pain. Pain. Pain. _I ached to remember what happened before the pain. _Gemma. Dying! Gemma was dying or almost dying. The Tree of All Souls! It's power had forced itself into me. _Then the pain stopped. I open my eyes, not realizing they were closed. I see Gemma, shielding her eyes from me. _Why? What had happened to me? _I look at my arms and see light and shadow. _No wonder she shields her eyes from me. I must seem so strange._

"Kartik!" Gemma reaches out for me and a drop of her blood spills.  
"It begins again!" A tracker shouts to the cries of the others. _No, we can't go back to the beginning, not after how far we've come!_

The injured tree's roots come alive. They twist themselves around Gemma's ankles and climb up her shins. Her screams shatter my heart as I see her struggle.

"We didn't kill it," she gasps. "Why?" _Yes, why? Why must they torture her so? Did not the dagger free the poor souls?_

"It cannot be killed," Amar thunders. "It can only be changed."

Felicity and Ann try to save Gemma and Fowlson hacks at the roots as Amar speaks to me sadly: "I told her you would bring her to us, Brother. That you would be the death of her."

His words hurt and anger me. _I brought this upon her. The dreams were true. I should have been careful and now Gemma has to pay the price. _

"You told me to follow my heart," I say fighting back tears. _I brought this to my Gemma. Me. How could I?  
_"So I did, Brother. Will you give me peace?" That sounds like the Amar I knew in India.  
"I will."

I grab his sword, knowing it must be done, and push the sword through him. His howls pierce the air and I know it's done. I am not sad, infact I am happy that Amar cannot be corrupted to become a heart-less Winterland creature, anymore. I put my hands to Gemma's side, where the blood from her wound bleeds. The magic flares to life, and we are both bright with light, dark with shadow. My strength flows into her till the Winterlansd magic mixes with the Temple magic. And for one brief moment, we are a perfect union. I can feel her inside me and me inside her at once. I can hear her thoughts and know she can hear mine as well. I know what is in her heart, that she will oppose what I plan to do.

"No," she says. She pulls back, but I hold onto her tighter. _No! You cannot leave yet. It must be done, Gemma. It must be done.  
_"Yes, its the only way," I say bluntly, quick and easy, no pain.  
"I won't let you." _You won't let me? No, my dear Gemma, I won't let you.  
_I pull her closer. "The debt must be paid. And you are needed in the world. I've waited my whole life to feel a sense of purpose. To know my place. I feel it now." _Yes, I must do it, Gemma. You know it.  
_She shakes her head and tears stream down her cheeks. "Don't." _Tears, Gemma? Don't cry. It's for the best. This is my place.  
_I smile sadly and say, "Now I know my destiny."  
"What is it?" _Ah, Gemma. Please don't try to pretend. I know you know what I will do.  
_"This," I answer, for it is al she needs.

I draw her close her me for a kiss. Her lips are cold but become warm with mine on hers. I pull her tighter into the embrace, my last one. The roots sigh and release their hold on her and her side is healed.

"Kartik," she cries, kissing my cheeks, how I long for her, "It's let me go."  
"This is good," I manage to say. My back arches and every muscle in my body tightens. _Should this happen? No matter, it's too late to reverse the magic. The Winterlands have accepted my bargain. A scandelous Indian for the magnificent Gemma.  
_"If I could go back...undo it...," she says sobbing. _Gemma, Gemma, don't cry. Not now. Not for me.  
_"There is never any turning back, Gemma. You have to go forward. Make the future yours," I say passionately. _Understand, Gemma! You must. All the world is yours. Go forward. _I long for her.

I kiss her on the lips and she returns the kiss. Suddenly, the vines wrap around my throat. _Don't struggle. You can't struggle, Kartik, it has to hapen. _I slowly loose feeling. Legs, arms, I cannot feel them. I cannot feel Gemma's waist or her leaning into my chest. And all too soon for me, the feeling goes from my lips. I cannot feel my Gemma. _Gemma, Gemma, Gemma, Gemma. _I utter her name aloud for the last time before I slip away to darkness. The tree has accepted me.

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I am trapped but inside, I have never felt more free. I see nothing, smell nothing, taste nothing and hear nothing, yet I have that sense of belonging; as though this is what my life is for. I wonder what is happening now. _Will they succeed? Will the power be shared? _I feel a rumbling from the ground. I think it is the ground for I have no sense of direction. I feel like my soul is an orb, hovering inside the tree, yet I feel like I am myself. Such a strange experience that words cannot describe it. Where ever it is coming from; I can feel a rumbling. I feel the same feeling when Gemma gave me magic. _She has done it! The power has been shared! _I am not sure how I know this, but it hits me like a truth that cannot be denied. Gemma has succeeded.

_Gemma, Gemma, Gemma, Gemma, Gemma_

I will never see her again. I will never hold her, touch her, kiss her, whisper in her ear how I love her. The bitter truth hits me. I never told Gemma I loved her. She knew, of course, but I never said it to her. _Gemma, I love you. I love you more than anything in this world and the realms. _I am sure if I had my body, I would shed bitter tears. I will be in this tree for all time. How I longed for Gemma. I need to have control. I cannot become a spirit like Euginea Spence. I cannot long for a real life. This is my place. _Remember Gemma, you did this for her. Remember, remember, remember_

I cannot say how much time has passed. Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Decades? Does it matter? I will be here for eternity.

Suddenly, I felt something. Someone rubbing me. Someone was here! Someone was touching the tree! There is light. I can see! It is an apparation, surely, for I see Gemma. _Oh my love, Gemma!_

"Kartik," she whispers.  
"How are you here?" I ask amazed.  
"I met Mrs. Euginea Spence this way as well," she confesses. "I came to see you."  
"Gemma," I whispered. "Is it, is it really you?"  
"Yes Kartik," she said holding my hand. "It's me."  
"How can you touch me?" I asked.  
"So many questions," she murmurs. "I don't know for sure, Kartik."  
"Well, I don't care," I said wrapping my arms around her and kissed her forehead.

We stayed that way for who knows how long. I breathed in her scent, burying my face in her hair, never wanting to let her go, stealing kisses every so often.

"Kartik," Gemma whispered.  
"Yes, love?"  
"You're fading," she said worried. I gazed at my arms and saw that she was right.  
"I'm not human," I whispered. "I'm not real." Saying it out loud made me realize that I could never be with Gemma.  
"Kartik, no," she said softly, "You're real, you're here, you have to be."  
"Gemma, you know that I'm not a real human," I said with a heavy heart, "We can't fool ourselves by having you come to me like this."  
"Kartik," she breathed.  
"You," my voice cracked, "You have to move on, Gemma."  
"Kartik, I'm not loosing you," she said fiercly. I was fading quicker now. I had to make my point.  
"Gemma, I'm already lost," I said gently. "You must move on. Forget me."  
"How can I forget you?" She choked, tears threatened to slip from her beautiful eyes.  
"Then don't forget me," I whisper. "But move on. Find someone else. Give your love to someone who can return it."  
She opened her mouth to interupt, to point a flaw that I quickly amended with the words, "In your world."  
"I know," she said cupping my face. "But it'll be hard."  
"You saved the realms," I reminded her, "this is nothing compared to that."  
"You're wrong."  
"Maybe. But you have to go, Gemma."  
"I know," she admitted.  
"Promise you won't come back. Promise you'll move on and enjoy your life. Promise you'll fall in love with another," I pleaded.  
"I promise."  
I gave her a chaste kiss, our last kiss, a kiss I'll cherish forever. "Good-bye, Gemma," I said softly, I could feel myself ebbing away.  
"Good-bye, Kartik." _No! I have to say one last thing! _But it was in vain, I had finally slipped into the darkness of my tree. I lost my chance. Fate hate given me a chance to utter the words I never said in her world. And I never said it in mine. I never told my love, Gemma Doyle, "I love you."

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